#this shit is like actually fucking insane

[spicy-apple-pie]

No thoughts, just Jinx revealing that it was actually her and Vi that blew up Jayce’s apartment when they were trying to rob him at the Jayvik wedding. Because the explosion is why Jayce and Viktor met and now Jayce legally can’t get mad at them because really it’s all thanks to them that they’re getting married now and if they had to blame anyone it would be Jayce because he’s shit at haggling.

She says this all in her speech (she’s Viktor’s groomswoman along with Ekko [he’s grown attached to them since they became his apprentices] and Caitlyn and Vi are Jayce’s groomsmen) and Jayce goes from laughing to O_O in an instant. Viktor is losing his shit because of how insanely ridiculous the situation is and how much of an idiot his husband is. Jayce turns to Vi and is like “is that true?” But Vi is also losing her shit and can barely breathe much less answer poor Jayce.

And Jayce isn’t mad or anything, it happened so long ago that he can’t even conceptualize getting mad. But he’s fucking shook that someone he considers one of his closest friend almost ruined his life before they even met.

[feminist-fag]

Literally insane how people see this and are like "OH NO, NOT MY FANFICTION WEBSITE!" but discussion of nonprofits that actually benefit people in a tangible way - like St Judes's Children's Hospital, for instance - are just literally null. Like, I get it, ao3 is important, but in the larger scheme of things is this really your primary concern? Are you all that fucking heartless that your fandom appreciation has to be appealed to before your care for other human beings? Like holy shit, guys.

Readers, make sure you have all your favourite Ao3 fics downloaded.

Writers, make sure you have copies of all the fics you have posted on Ao3.

I don’t want to be alarming, but things could get really bad really fast. OTW shared this today on Twitter, and I'm a bit worried about it 😅

Ao3 is a non-profit organisation. If they have to start paying taxes, I have no idea what will happen.

Edit: I didn’t expect my post to go viral 🤯

I saw OTW's tweet and shared it here to warn my 25 followers (who are fic writers & readers) about it. I thought people from the US already knew this was happening, as the bill was been voted the day I made my post.

I'm not from the US, and I'm glad people are explaining the problem and how it will affect all non-profits in the quotes. I had no idea what the bill really entailed.

[yourfavoritepillowprincess]

abby was an absolute gym rat. whether it’s wrestling, boxing, weightlifting or even football, she’s always been into some kind of sport or spending countless hours working out.

so realistically speaking, you should’ve seen this coming.

“hmm-hng-prettiest pussy i’ve- ever seen".

she was strapping into you like a bitch in heat, what started out as back shots eventually morphing into a pronebone because you couldn't keep holding yourself up. she was pussydrunk and stupid, short, quick, disgustingly deep thrusts occupying all her attention. one of her hands wrapped around your chest, pinching your puffy nipple between her thumb and index finger, rolling the bud as it stood to attention at her touch.

you were laying on your cheek, tears flowing out of your eyes as she continued to punch heavenly gasps and groans from your sore throat. you lost your ability to be louder rounds ago, your voice now reduced to stuttered gasps and deep breaths, your pussy doing all of the talking for you. bubbles of your cum sputtered out at every possible convenience as the tip of the silicone kept pressing that little button deep within your gummy walls. bullseye.

it was a joke. made while you were high (and it is a well known fact to not take shit you say seriously when you were stoned). something stupid like her having bad stamina and you never feeling fully satisfied in bed. you broke into a random fit of laughter afterwards because it obviously wasn’t true, and you’d assumed that abby just followed suit. but now here you are, 4 rounds in without a single break. and even worse, no signs of her stopping.

you dangled your knees uselessly in the air, kicking her toned back with all the strength you had left (barely any at all ), nails digging in the sheets so hard you heard a faint rip. you came to the grim conclusion that you might actually die before she runs out of energy.

you felt your legs being yanked from behind you as abby molded you into whatever position she pleased, forcing you into a semi squat as you gripped on the headboard to ground yourself.

"know i'm not fucking no damn pillow princess, you gotta do some of the work around here sweetheart."

your drooling cunt was singing to her, the thick white ring at the base of her dick driving her insane. "that's right. just needed me to break her in, hmm?" she locked the crook of her arm around your neck and squeezed, the headlock sending waves of blood to your head. "had the nerve to act like i don't keep you happy, like i can't make you cum."

her strokes began to deepen, the stars dancing in your vision burning brighter and brighter.

"you're out". thrust. "your". thrust. "fucking". thrust. "mind".

what the actual fuck.

drool began to trail out of your mouth and onto the thickness of her arm, your pretty lil windpipes begging for reprieve. your eyes crossed as you continued to get the mario coins pounded out of you, your mind filled with abbyabbyabby-

a pair of fingers snapped in your face abruptly, followed by a gradual slow of her hips as abby's hold on your neck loosened. "hellooooo? ground control to major tom? you still with me?"

she chuckles upon seeing your face, your eyes so teary and big and lost. her poor baby. you had nothing to say, your eyes drooping as you tried to catch your breath, and she took that as her sign to pull out. the feeling of her finally leaving you was brutal, your pussy begging her to stay as your walls gripped around her as tightly as they could. "tsk, tsk, tsk, can't even stay awake can you? this dick had you acting so stupid that you're all tuckered out."

more silence. the buzziness in your head has yet to cease, and you fight the urge to knock tf out as you gather your bearings the best you can. abby gripped your cheeks, forcing your mouth into a pout as she stared deep into your hooded eyes.

"remember this the next time you wanna act all funny on me, yeah?"

[spectral-phases]

I need people to stop getting so precious about Clark "not letting" Bruce kill the Joker after Jason’s death post-Crisis. Everyone acts like it was like this:

But it was more:

So, we all know the story. Actually. Wait. Maybe we don't. So. The story beneath the cut.

Jason got benched as being Robin because he was not dealing well with his parents' deaths, felt like he was no longer wanted because he was adopted specifically to be Robin (and Bruce is shit at making his kids feel loved a lot of times). Jason discovered the woman who raised him was his step mother, not his bio mother. He goes looking for bio mom. Finds bio mom, she hugs him and tells him she's missed him so much, Bruce contemplates letting Jason live with his family if that would make him happier despite being obviously cut up about the idea of losing Jason. Bio mom is being extorted by the Joker to let him ship out Joker Venom disguised as medical supplies because he can't just steal the supplies and sell them. Bruce has to go stop the shipment of Joker Venom, his portable chopper is too small for two, so Jason is left behind. Jason is told to wait, but The Killing Joke just happened and his bio mom is alone with the Joker (who is insane, capricious and evil), so, obviously he has to save his mother and could not wait. Bio Mom is outside, no guards, Jason says, "Hey, I'm actually Robin, I'm here to save you from the Joker" and she says "Nah, he's actually gone, so I'm fine. But let's go inside so I can grab my things and we can leave." Her things turn out to be a gun to point at Jason after leading him to the Joker. Jason is too stunned to move. The Joker and his goons beat Jason up and then the Joker uses the crowbar to finish beating him to a presumed death. His bio mom at some point couldn't bear to watch it anymore and turns around to smoke a cigarette. Once Joker’s done, bio mom asks what they're going to do about Batman, and the Joker is all "oh. Yeah, lol. Probably was a bad idea to kill his kid. Whoops. My bad." And then ties up the bio mom to kill her and erase any evidence he brutally attacked/killed Jason. The Joker sets a bomb on a timer and leaves. Jason uses the last of his strength to untie his bio mom so she can escape. He can't see well enough to try and disarm the bomb. She tries to get them both out. The door is locked. Jason shields her as the bomb goes off, but she dies just as Batman comes up and tells him the Joker did it, calls Jason a hero, says he deserved a better mother (he did) but does not/is unable to own up to her part in Jason’s death before dying herself. Bruce finds Jason’s body and is fucking devastated.

So after that, Bruce chases the Joker down to the UN because the Joker lucked into being a diplomat for Iran and is now meeting at the UN assembly in New York. Bruce is 100% set on doing a premeditated murder of the Joker for Jason. The US government is aware of this. They hire Superman to grab Batman to try and talk him down because the Joker has diplomatic immunity for past crimes. It does not go well.

"That’s the law, not Justice." Batman is 100% still going to kill the Joker. Everyone knows. Superman knows. Superman says the stupid thing is putting vengeance above the interests of the country, not killing Joker.

Batman sneaks into the Joker’s room, and the Joker (forgetting his earlier desire to not get fucking killed by Batman) is like "oh man, I wish I could have seen your face when you found his body" and further needles Bruce with a "Or are you here to thank me for getting rid of him for you?" Making Bruce triple down on killing the Joker.

"Your confirming it makes what I have to do a lot easier."

Bruce manages to get in to observe the UN meeting as Bruce Wayne. Superman is disguised as a guard. Bruce is seething, watching the Joker, knowing that is the guy who killed Jason.

"I should have terminated his vile existence years ago. But I didn't. I couldn't. His insanity gained him a stay of execution. But no longer. ... Jason’s dead."

They both know the Joker is too stupid and lacks the impulse control needed to not attack the UN and immediately lose his immunity, which is the only thing keeping him alive. Joker releases Joker Venom to kill the delegates. Superman super breathes to inhale all the gas, which he's immune to because he's Superman and then says this as he leaves to go find a place to release the poison gas safely.

"Batman, he's all yours."

Superman basically says "You can kill him now" because he knows Batman’s mind has not changed, and Superman had not once tried to say "killing Joker would be wrong" just that it couldn't happen before the Joker acted in a way that lost him his immunity.

And Bruce does go to do just that. He chases the Joker down, intent to kill, and jumps onto the helicopter the Joker is using to escape. One of the guys fires at Batman. It shoots the pilot, hits the Joker in damn near his heart, if not his heart, and Batman realizes the helicopter is going down and decides to jump and leave the Joker behind. He intends for the Joker to die in the crash.

Okay? Bruce was 100% going to kill the Joker for killing Jason. Superman said "hang on. Let him get enough rope to hang himself first and then you can do it." And then Joker only survived because comic books. And Bruce is unhappy about having to wait. Superman did not try to talk Bruce out of killing the Joker at all ever, or scold him for wanting to kill the Joker. (Don't say he was rescuing the Joker in that last panel. The next panel is Superman fishing Batman, who is shot in the arm, from the harbor, and Batman telling Superman to go find the body. Find the body! And Superman does go to do just that, but is unable to).

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[mythalism]

in my rook hating mindset now after that post this morning and cannot stop thinking about how they are literally the worst protagonist maybe in any story i have ever experienced JRHGKJERHGJERG. and like if you love your rook i am not saying you shouldn't. if you love your rook i am so so happy for you genuinely but you are also probably brilliant and have a huge brain because what the game gives you to build off of is so abysmal.

i literally cannot stop thinking about how insane it is that rook literally causes a double blight and worldwide catastrophe on a scale which thedas has not seen probably since the creation of the veil itself and just. experiences no remorse. and the story tries to tell us thats a good thing and makes them better than the villain/their foil. JHREGJKHERGJKHERG. HELLO?!!??!?!?! literally no one ever goes "hey maybe you shouldnt have done that" except solas and hes framed as the VILLAIN!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! hawke blames themselves for not putting the pieces together fast enough when a bouquet of white lilies arrived at their door? the narrative gleefully condemn anders with the immediate opportunity to kill him for his crimes. nearly every single character in origins immediately puts the entirety of the responsibility for the fifth blight on loghain's shoulders, regardless of the CLEAR SUGGESTION that the battle at ostagar could never have been won. and all of these makes sense for the world and characters!!!!! of course hawke would blame themselves for their families deaths when they were given the role of protector by leandra after malcom dies. of course the city of kirkwall is going to want anders dead for his extreme act of violence rather than start the uncomfortable process of acknowledging the beloved chantry's complicity in large scale abuse happening in the mage circles!!!! of course alistair and the warden are going to blame loghain for the blight and cailan's death!!!! it doesnt matter if they are right or wrong, it makes sense for their perspective and worldview to feel this way!!!!

have yall gotten the low approval conversations in inquisition????? solas's "Inquisitor. Tell me. How does it feel? Being you. Are you blissfully unaware or, deep inside, is some part of you banging on the walls, screaming?" cassandra getting drunk and practically spitting in your face how she regrets raising you up to such power? blackwalls' "Are you proud of yourself, of what you’ve built here? How about the lives you’ve destroyed along the way? Given much thought to those lately? Is this Inquisition all you wanted it to be? Because I’m disappointed. All I see is a gang of thugs led by a self-serving tyrant." and these SCATHING comments from those who once believed in the inquisitor enough to join their cause come from decisions that affect a fraction of the population that dies under the southern double blight. people will rip the inquisitior to fucking shreds when they fuck up. THATS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE TRESPASSER DLC EHRGKJHERGKJHERG. like holy shit every decision carries the weight of "oh my god whos gonna hate me. who is going to die because of my choice. how is this going to come back to bite me." have we forgotten what its like to return to varric after leaving hawke in the fade and confess what we did? the call we just made? to look him in the eye and tell him that we sacrificed his best friend? WHY IS ROOK NEVER ASKED TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THIS INTROSPECTION?????????? TO EVALUATE HOW THEIR DECISIONS AFFECT THOSE AROUND THEM BOTH PERSONALLY AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE????? OH MY GODDDDD

the regret prison scene is so insane. first its insane because its solas at his best and most cunty. but secondly it makes no fucking sense even if im largely distracted by pookie being fun and villainous. solas tries desperately to play up rook's regrets during their conversations and we are supposed to believe that it was that manipulation that allowed him to swap with them in the prison. how does this actually work? blood magic? dont worry about it, kitten. but then when we get into the prison.... the only two regrets that manifest are things that just happened within the last 3 hours - your two party sacrifices. lets be clear that these are not even real sacrifices because literally all of these people volunteer to go and then argue about why they should go. this is so fucking stupid. then rook looks at the statues and says "i dont regret this because this was your choice". YEAH????? OF COURSE YOU DONT FUCKING REGRET IT WHY WOULD YOU. HELLO???? THIS WAS NOT ROOKS CHOICE THIS WAS ROOK JUST SAYING "SURE I GUESS". AND THEN THATS ENOUGH! THEY JUST LEAVE BC THEY CONQUERED THEIR REGRETS!?!?!?!?!??! WHAT!!!!!! there is no discussion of rook being responsible for the blight in the south that we find out via ooc inquisitior letter has KILLED LITERALLY EVERYONE. no suggestion that their recklessness and willingness to act WITHOUT ALL THE INFORMATION at the ritual is the reason for every single thing the evanuris do following their release.

and let me be very clear bc i know this was causing drama on twitter last week. i am not saying the double blights is rook's fault. i actually dont think it is their fault, although i do think they are stupid and reckless and shouldn't have acted so carelessly. but although rook is responsible for ghilly and edgar breaking free, rook is not responsible for the their actions following that freedom, and rook is not at fault for being put into an impossible situation (the need to stop solas's ritual) without all of the information on what the ritual was and what stopping it might incur. however, the double blight is rook's fault in the same way that the veil, the fall of the elvhen empire, elven mortality, and every demon's existence is solas's fault; which is to say, it is and it is not. solas was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for the good of the world when he imprisoned the evanuris and blight with the veil. rook was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for what they thought was the good of the world when they interrupted solas's ritual. but while solas feels immense guilt and responsibility for the choice he made, rook feels.... absolutely none. and the game tells us that... they're right? people should just not take accountability for anything? i will give credit where it's due here that varric's contribution to this scene is quite good and his line where rook tries to take responsibility for his death and varric says smth like "no, that was my own choice and you dont get to take that from me" is B A N G E R. WHERE WAS THAT ENERGY IN THE REST OF THIS FUCKING GAME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

THAT was the lesson solas needed to learn, not that his regret was wrong but that it was MISPLACED!!!!!!!!! and that is why it is mythal acknowledging that their burden is shared and not his alone is the culmination of his entire story and what finally allows him to move on. pride stands alone, wisdom seeks out the input of others to make an informed and wise decision. this is also why he leaves such breadcrumbs for the inquisitor (a high approval one, at least) because he respects their opinion and their input and their existence and the way they treat him turns him back into wisdom from pride. this is why a romanced inquisitor mentions his name being pride and how its possible that hes not even CAPABLE of changing his mind because it would be so against his nature, and he needs someone whose opinion he values to show him the way. his flaw is his SELF INFLICTED LONELINESS!!!!! NOT HIS REGRET. varric even fucking says this in some random banter you get with his ghost in the infirmary but im too lazy to go find it on my desktop. its something about how he sees attachments as a weakness rather than a strength. his pride causes him to take on responsibility that is not his, his wisdom -> pride corruption has led him to believe he is the only one capable of fixing the world's problems and he will destroy both himself and those he loves in the process. he asserts that he is just a man but is unable to stop making decisions for the world like a god.

THIS is the solas/rook foil that should have been: rook relies on their friends and that reliance is ESSENTIAL; after all, the neve/bellara and davrin/harding sacrifice is essential to win. in contrast solas refuses to rely on anyone, and this isolation makes him increasingly cruel. when he has no one to mirror the way a spirit should, he becomes Pride, too proud and too god-like. his attachments make him more human. he is terrified of depending on others and will kill them rather than risk the vulnerability of dependence after what it has done to him (mythal, felassan). he has to unlearn this avoidance and fear, he has to admit that there "could have been a better way" that someone else saw and he did not. he must learn that he does not have all the answers. he is not Pride. its NOT that rook doesnt experience regret and doesn't take accountability for mistakes while solas is trapped by his own regrets. the message we got instead is so incoherent. but it was SO CLOSE TO BEING GOOD. the bones of this are littered everywhere in both the game and in the datamined content and for some reason it just could not be brought together in a way that makes sense.

the message that rook is "right" and better for not having regrets is genuinely insane, especially when the "regrets" they have to conquer are literally just. other peoples decisions. the fact that rook has the audacity to say to solas that he could never escape the prison while they could so easily because he is trapped by his own regret as if rook is better than him is genuinely so fucking dumb it makes me want to claw my eyes out for having been forced to read it. rook sacrifices nothing and learns nothing. the sacrifices within the game belong to the characters that make them, rook does not order people to their deaths in the same way that solas or even THE INQUISITOR do. rook never is asked to grapple with the fact that they ACCIDENTALLY unleashed a double blight, no matter how good their intentions. WHY DOES NO ONE BLAME THEM FOR THIS???? regardless of if it is their fault or not, the objective truth of fault does not matter, what matters is that you make decisions and PEOPLE JUDGE YOU FOR THEM!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE FOUNDATIONAL TO THESE GAMES JEHRGJKREHGJKRHG. this is what the entire game is about doing to solas. judging him. based on his choices. and the game clearly wants you to have empathy for him in the end. but its so OBVIOUS that the vessel for building up that empathy should have been ROOK EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING!!! THE SAME JUDGEMENT!!! THE SAME GROWTH!!!!! FEELING THE BURDEN OF THE WORLD ON THEIR SHOULDERS. FEELING THE DREAD OF GUILT AND SHAME AND REGRET. TRYING TO DEFEND THEIR INTENTIONS!!! I DIDNT MEAN TO I DIDNT MEAN TO IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!! LEARNING THAT THEY HAVE TO OWN UP TO IT BUT THEY ALSO HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE FORWARD!!!!!! HELLO!??!?!?!?! they BARELY even express remorse for the treviso/minrathous sacrifice, even when faced with neve/lucanis's anger they just go "a decision had to be made and i made it". well. YEAH? LIKE YEAH THATS RIGHT BUT HUMANS HAVE FEELINGS??? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A PERSON, NOT A BLANK SLATE VIDEO GAME PROTAGONIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD!!!! YOU MADE A DECISION THAT RESULTED IN PEOPLE DYING. ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS. ITS KIND OF FUCKING WEIRD THAT YOU DO NOT. HOW IS ROOK JUST BORN BEING OK WITH THIS. ITS SO ROBOTIC AND ARTIFICIAL LOL

rooks actions are such a clear, perfect parallel to solas putting up the veil and the guilt that haunts him afterwards that i KNOW it was intended that way and somehow it just got completely shafted. it literally feels like they did have a coherent parallel going and for some reason were forced to change directions last minute and thus we got some mish mashed barely cobbled together incoherent nonsense with clear echoes of its former self. instead rook has no flaws, makes perfect judgements at all time, has unconditional support from all of their friends who also make perfect judgements, are immune to making mistakes, and the message is its actually just really easy to not have regrets if you just choose right every time and refuse to take responsibility for anything as long as you had good intentions :D

[grendil5]

History is completely fabricated. None of those things happened and none of their opposite stories happened either. It's all made up. Opposite stories meaning history was designed with stories that mirror eachother. The opposite stories for your examples are:

-The african slave trade didn't happen.

-The link between the words slave and slav doesn't exist. (not really an opposite but still) (I admit I don't know this one for sure but it would be extremely funny and cruel to do this to Christians and thus right up their alley)

-The european opium sales to china (to addict and enslave them) didn't happen.

-The uh hmm well i'm sure you can figure out the polar opposite of this one. It didn't happen.

-The other three don't really have an opposite, to my knowledge, perhaps the story of the holy roman empire being secretly run and exclusively kinged by Dutch/Germans? More insane impossible fantasy bullshit. But rest assured not one truth has been told to us or today's Russians about Soviet Russia.

But there are many, many more examples. You probably have some too. You'll notice that in all of history, there's a team good-guy and team-bad guy example for everything. Some "thousands of years" (lol) apart. All of it the west vs the world. Or white people vs the world. Christians vs the world. That's because it's all made up, it's designed to completely ensnare your brain. The full spectrum of good and bad behavior is taken care of. Every race and religion is written to be a victim in one story and a perpetrator in another.

The reason history is designed that way is neutralize your moral compass. To drive you away from Christ, and to make you easy to control. To make you disbelieve in a "true good", which is what Christ has always been.

There's no "morally grey" mankind that "has been kind of bad, but always tries to do good." or some slop. There is only one good and it's our Father. Anyone acting against our father is evil. There has never been anything else. This world operates on one single principle: If you love God, everything works out for you. Period. No countries, no nations, no history. It's all fake. Completely made up. Our textbooks were written by drunk Skeksis in some lodges somewhere and mass-produced after WWII to feed to children whose great-grandchildren, us, now accept their dumb stories as law. And they've been constantly adding to it. "This sounds plausible, put this in" becomes a "new fact recently discovered by the university of _____" Coincidentally, all scienceslop (and subsequent NASAslop) also works this way.

Ask yourself, what would be better? For the goyim to know some truths and some lies, or for them to live in a complete fantasy world? If you tell them some truths, they use those truths as a jumping off point and will discover the lies and awaken. Truth sticks out like a sore thumb. I have no decent historical example for this because they've never told us a truth. That's how fucked it is.

Hang on, how about the world trade thingy. They told you that a plane crashed into it, which it didn't, the entire thing was CGI, so that's a lie. But what if they told you a truth? What if they told you there were bombs on every part of the tower, and that it was a controlled demolition. What the fuck would their excuse be? Now that this truth is revealed to you, how could they ever explain it away? Their narrative is fried. The same goes for all of history. You think even a little bit about one inconsistency, and the whole case is blown apart. That’s why they’ve never, ever told us anything. Nothing.

If you hear even one truth about our history, you'll come to the realization that most of the shit they sell you is logistically impossible. Plus if you "get got" too many times, and realize it too many times, you'll start to look at everything as potentially bullshit. And then you'll start to see that actually it's all bullshit. And then you'll begin to seek Jesus Christ and find the truth in God. And to the people who invent our history to deceive us from God, that's a fucking disaster.

Just about every war doesn't add up. Food and water supplies when marching across continents don’t make sense. Whole populations lived in and around the most beautiful, mathematically perfect buildings but we’re told they were all dumb stinky peasants who threw sewage into the streets.

One way you know it’s fake is that in all their stories human beings are fucking stupid. The holodomor was obviously supposed to mirror the other one, but both stories have to treat the supposed victims like dumb cattle. So it barely even works! Picture yourself as a Kulak watching your children starve to death on some farm and saying "We're not leaving, this is our home." Yeah fucking right!

If you care about the truth you must look at the history books they write for us as a lie. The real truth is that absolutely nothing can be trusted before the end of "WWII" which itself may have been a lie.

All war is fake, that's something you come to understand. Go look at old war photos and ask yourself what these kids were doing when the photo was taken? What were they thinking according to the official story? Why are they standing there like that? Why are they all fucking smiling? How did that vehicle get into that hole in such a way? Why does everything look so fucking ridiculous? It's NASA-tier fakery. All fake soldiers playing dress up and having fun coming up with rediculous "oh so sad" war photos. You can see it on their faces. Their Skeksis director behind the camera was having fun with them. Fooling Christians unites them. Same thing with the civil war. With all wars. With all tragedies. All Hollywood.

It's all just dumb shit for you to get mad at. It's all designed to tear you from God. Don't buy a word. History isn't real.

[chiyana]

what a veritable pile-up of emotions

because on the one hand, a lot of YJ missions are wacky and insane and so much fun to tell stories about

but on the other hand, oh my god some of those were so fucking dangerous and these kids had no business being the ones handling them

and that's not really something you fully internalize until you're older and looking back and it kind of hits you that like "oh. wow. yeah that really almost killed us and we should not have been in that situation, huh".

so you have the team reminiscing, telling the fun parts and having a good time, laughing and joking and using J'onn or the Lasso of Truth to prove they're really telling the truth, until someone, either an adult or Jon (possibly Damian) actually asks about it like "hey, when you say you were tortured on Apokalips, what does that mean?"

and because they're holding the Lasso of Truth let's say, they just... tell them. the whole truth, about what it was like and what they experienced (and how terrified they were).

and from there it's a slow spiral down to how they weren't taken seriously and thought to be lying so they stopped telling anyone, how even after they were proven to be telling the truth they still weren't given the guidance or supervision they needed, how they did exactly what they were supposed to in trying to help people who needed it and couldn't get it from anyone else, how it blew up in their face despite all their best efforts, how they bore a lot of the brunt of bad press without support or guidance, the weight of trying to do good against impossible odds, and all the shit piled on them over time until their team fell apart.

and yeah they fucked up in a lot of ways, but they were kids. yes they were mid to late teenagers, but that's not a group particularly well-known for being good at handling interpersonal issues and friction without someone with more experience helping them work through it (or being listened to by authority figures), of course there were issues within the team that made it hard to work together

and Jon and Damian have been watching this whole thing, with Young Justice talking about it and even as adults being dismissed as lying and needing to hold onto the lasso of truth to 'prove' they're not lying, despite the fact that they were proven to be telling the truth about the missions before (they just stopped telling people about them after being accused of lying AGAIN), despite the fact that by this point they've had YEARS of being trusted heroes in the community, why are they believed about missions and reports now without issue yet dismissed or accused of lying about what happened to them as kids? what does that say for them, who have had their own fuck-ups and interpersonal drama with teammates and other heroes, who are still kid heroes?

and the rest of the Justice League have been watching this too and realizing just how many times these kids (and others, there were other members of Young Justice who stopped being heroes all together because they didn't have the support of Justice League members and it became too dangerous/difficult for them to continue) came close to dying, and the Justice League probably wouldn't have noticed they died until it was far and away too late. they wouldn't have even know how it happened, because they never believed YJ about their missions so YJ just stopped telling them about them.

I fully believe that yj98 doesn’t tell ANYONE about their missions anymore.

they probably did in the past with their early ones, but after the 7th lie detector test, and 3rd time they had to get Jon and/or Wonder Woman’s lasso involved to prove they were telling the truth, they just stopped.

After you’ve heard one mission people usually think they’re lying and stop asking questions. All YJ have to say is ‘it was a Classic yj mission, do you really want to hear about it?’ and all other inquiries would be dropped. YJ themselves won’t bring it up, and you won’t believe them anyways, so what’s the point?

So you won’t believe what this leads to when Damian and Jon after being curious for a while, decided to answer “yes, we do wanna know” to them

now YJ has to deal with two teens and the justice league, who finally decides to look at them (and what they’ve done) for the first time…

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

:: yapping under the cut, so spoiler warning <3

FUCKING EVERRRR WHEN I CATCH YYYOOUUUUUUUUU 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i think we all kind of had this notion, in the back of our heads, that the twins were taken in by sylus as kids.... i think maybe some of us have thought of the possibility that they would have been experimented on by Ever................

but i don't think any?! of us?! would have thought of it to be to this extent?! 😭😭😭😭

::: random disorganized thoughts

i haven't yapped on the dash in a while, but KUDOS TO INFOLD BC????? this was a really smart way to slowly offer more information about the experiments that we know so little of.

the people we know of who have been part of these experients are either MIA (caleb, potentially), unable to speak coherently (the patient in zayne's branch story), or don't seem to remember anything about it (mc)... in a similar manner that anyone else who knows about the experiments hasn't really spoken up about them, or... well, you know. are dead. (josephine 😭)

but the fact that we get essentially insider info from the pov of the actual subjects is??? some crazy lore development?

i've seen a lot of general assumptions about what the experiments entail exactly, but this is a literal direct reveal that experiments gone wrong result in the "abominations" that we see in dawnbreaker's universe....... and it's like, this heavy realization that ever is really doing shadier shit than we realize and that they will continue to do so 😭 if they're working with xander sciences to, via dr. carter, potentially find a way to "immortality" or something............... and the risks really are dangerous to THIS extent....... and they've done MORE experiments, not just on luke and kieran???? that's like, insane?

these experiments were cruel 😭

mentions of kieran getting beat up for attempting to escape, is one thing, considering they were kids .... and then on top of that, THIS?

"Because of those side effects, their senses are bound. Fighting each other during heated arguments no longer relieves their anger. Instead, it's a form of self-torture. But they soon discovered that fighting could earn them many things: painkillers, sedatives, and if the fight was severe enough, even a pass on the next day's "trials." So, despite their reluctance, they became experts at fighting each other."

the researchers knew the side effects of the experiment included shared senses, and yet? the way this is phrased is so chilling... because this is from the pov of the twins, who view these things as rewards. likely they're given to stop the fight, or minimize the damages..... but luke and kieran view these as benefits? that are worth the pain they might inflict on each other by fighting? like what do you have to go through to view these things as beneficial to you?

moreover, the researchers would have had more power to completely stop the fighting altogether, but they didn't. they simply kept giving these things and it feels so sick and twisted to me that they'd just let it happen 😭 they were CHILDREN 😭

also the reveal that philip was a former experiment too (with the fact that he's mentioned he used to monitor aether cores as his previous job?! ;O) ... AND that he outlived the supposed "time limit"... AND that he's a younger twin, but the older twin is not at all mentioned so it likely means that the older twin didn't survive...... combined with the fact that we know only kieran has gone through (but miraculously survived) the onset of the transformation, and luke did not? i wonder if it's an only-one-twin thing, or both these cases are truly anomalies and other cases of twins (if there are any) haven't gone this haywire/our of prediction...........

which, by the way, we also don't get context on 😭 like now we know that the onset of transformation apparently doesn't guarantee a full transformation? suddenly "fully recovered" and leaving nothing but scars??????? if we go by the timeline, it would have been two years since they escaped (successfully), and yet their data had specified they only had three months.... this means that since then, they've allegedly been living life just fine with sylus, and just like philip, they've outlived the time limit......... i wonder how these experiments will progress, because ... if we go with dawnbreaker's universe being in the future, how does the transformation get that bad...? so many questions about these experiments......... im tearing my hair out fr 😭

also makes me wonder that ....... how much does sylus know, i wonder? if it's been two years since this account, and the twins crumpled and discarded the data report... does sylus know they were former experiments? that supposedly, they only should have had three months to live? that philip was experimented on, too? even the researchers mentioned sylus' name, i wonder what kind of deals he's done with them before...

::: personality notes

(bc its not a post from me without this <3)

but like first of all it's so.... incredibly heartbreaking..... because we've known from the start that the twins have always loved chaos and mischief and, essentially, the life of crime—but i think a lot of us assumed it to be because of working for sylus

when it actually goes far far back........

and not for very savory reasons.

what we don't know is how long they've been experimented on, or how they were chosen to be experimented on—but what we do know is that the conditions weren't exactly ideal.

and the thing about human experimentation is that although the word "human" is in there, it's completely disregarded in a metaphorical sense. test subjects are test subjects—they aren't seen as human in the eyes of these researchers anymore, or at least, most of them, anyway. and dehumanization is dangerous, because it only means that the researchers can let go of all and any attachment and do all kinds of things. they're not human anymore, so why bother showing tact, right?

and it's exactly what we see with luke and kieran. them being trapped there and, again, the whole thing with their fights........ these fights were probably observed and regarded as invaluable data, so why stop them? why not just subtly encourage them to do it more?

and you can see 😭 how much 😭 this affects them 😭 the cold detachment that THEY have for human life, how it's so easy for them to kill and harm and steal and do all these things without even batting an eyelash.... how the FIRST thing they did when they escaped was kill a guy, and THEN decide they want to kill sylus next?

like you realize that the environment they grew up in was likely cold and detached and void of thw warmth that you would usually give to children........

but instead of particularly developing fear or hatred or anger or some sense of righteous or justice—

they just viewed it as..... normal.

kieran talks about getting beat up like it's nothing. luke jokes about it and has that habit with the ice, like.... that was clearly trauma, but to them it feels as if they've grown so used to it that it isn't trauma anymore, it's just normal. just like the response they developed to fight each other with minimized harm, all to get those painkillers or sedatives or passes... it's normal.

and because it's normal, they feel like they can do it, too. it's so easy.

the fact that they're in the n109 zone, too?

extremely easy.

"throw away all morality and compassion, and this place will be a paradise!"

because that's exactly what they did. that's exactly what they were taught. and the n109 zone is the perfect place for that, a paradise if you will, because going out of it means unlearning the things they've been used to since they were kids.... because anywhere else would mean putting on more than just a physical mask, because anywhere else wouldn't feel like home, because anywhere else would have them likely scorned and disapproved of more than they already have been.

—"'You want to live? I'I give you five minutes. Run.' The young man's voice is chillingly playful reminiscent of a child taunting caged animals at a zoo. It'd be infuriating if Linton weren't paralyzed with fear. He glances back to see the door to the cargo area is wide open. A nauseating stench of blood wafts out. Inside, a few motionless researchers are drenched in crimson. They're clearly beyond help. In the center of the compartment, two sets of restraints that should have secured a person have been cut open. The escapee now crouches beside him, his blade brandished."

—"'Time's up! I hope you found a good spot.' Footsteps echo at the alley's entrance and are accompanied by the young man's cheerful laughter."

—"If it weren't for the shining blade in his hand and the blood staining his clothes, Linton could almost believe this was just some harm-free game of hide-and-seek."

—"'Okay, okay, save your excuses," Kieran, holding a blade, rests his cold hand on Linton's shoulder again, which sends another shiver down his spine. 'People will say anything when they're begging for their lives. One of the researchers told us how sorry they felt for us. You think we believe that?'"

—"Kieran sits cross-legged in the filthy alley, resting his chin on his hand as he watches Luke pin Linton against the wall and press the blade to his throat. In the darkest hours of the night, the spurting blood vanishes. And so, the final cry of a life on death's door is swallowed by the darkness."

—"In less than half an hour, the gleaming knife is stained a dark red. The twins present it to Sylus. 'Well? The trash is on the ground now. Do you want us to do anything else?'"

—"The hands holding the knife slightly tremble from excitement, not fear. Fresh blood drips from the blade's tip, their palms, and their nearly identical faces."

++ also, the fact that they're LITERALLY so desensitized towards death and the prospect of dying....... like their sense of danger is just? completely replaced by thrill? 😭

—"Whatever. It doesn't matter. We finally made it out, and if we only have three months left ... Since we're on borrowed time anyway, why don't we go out with a bang? How about doing something epic in these last three months?"

—"Excited, Luke hops onto the hood of the truck. 'Let's kill him. Nothing can be more epic than that, right?' Kieran bursts into a fit of laughter. 'What if he's a hundred times stronger than us? If we try to kill him, wouldn't that be...' 'Even more fun!' they exclaim in unison."

—'So what?' Luke sits cross-legged, the enthusiasm in his voice gradually fading and being replaced with calm. 'Have you seen the ones who transformed? I'd rather get killed and die early than become... something like that.'"

and, yet....

at the same time, there are hearts in there. just like how sylus may be who and what he is, but he's not..... heartless. he knows what warmth, and compassion, and kindness mean.... in the same way that the twins still do.

they're not always detached and prioritize chaos and fun and messy things—they know what it's like to feel emotions, they're human. despite having been treated as if they were not.

i feel like we've always seen them so unhinged and jokey but to me this is inferred proof that they feel so much, you know? you kind of have to wonder if... maybe the reason why they mask it is because they don't know what to do with it. like, they used to fight each other to relieve anger.... they can't do that anymore. that's one emotion they never learned to express properly. and sadness, and anxiousness, and grief, and fear.... they have severe reactions to kieran's onset of transformation, of sylus about to kill them—in the same way that excitement and joy are things that they feel so much more.... now that they're outside the research facility.

—"From a distance, Kieran senses Luke's body go rigid onstage. He quickly realizes why Luke reacted that way. It's because of him. At some point, two wisps of black-red mist have enveloped his body."

—"The person before him musters all his strength to aim the knife at his heart. He tries to push it in... But he hesitates and freezes as he notices his brother, who's bound to him, curl up into a ball because of their shared agony."

—"'Let me help you... I'll help you.' The weight behind the word help is unmistakable. Its true meaning is unspoken but clearly understood."

—"'I'lI die with him.' That's his response to Sylus. He takes a few deep breaths before flashing a sly grin. "I don't care anyway."

—"They shudder uncontrollably. At first, they manage to hide their terror. But as the mist grows sharper and touches their beating hearts— So this is what death feels like. The feeling of being at death's door finally breaks their resolve. Fragmented pleas escape their lips. 'No...'"

—""Stop..." "I thought you had a death wish. "We don't...!""

maybe they don't know what to do with it.

but...........

maybe being around sylus has them learning how to do that. maybe being around sylus has given them some semblance of a feeling of warmth, and compassion, and kindness that they've missed out on. he spares them, allows them to find a home with him. in his own way, i'd like to believe that he... encouraged them to live a little longer. the twins who were so acceptant of death and the fact that they may not live long... maybe he gave them a little bit of purpose, a little bit more reason to cling to life a little. he saw that they don't actually want to die, and i think he pushed that further so they wouldn't do something like that again. whether they're aware of it or not, it's probably why over the past two years, the twins have come to admire and respect sylus so much—more than just for his strength and his power, but also for the kindness he's shown them.

which, also— the differences in their personality are shown a lot here and it was so interesting for me !!!!!!!!!

kieran is obviously still the calmer one and a little more on the rational side.... but i think this also makes him prone to overthinking and seeing things too rationally, so luke is there to balance things out. but it probably makes him worry more, probably makes him more vulnerable to negative emotioms, probably makes him feel more than he lets on...

—"Transformation within three months... That's a fancy way of saying we won't live past three months."

—"Luke leans against the armored truck. He raises an eyebrow. Then, his eyes widen as he looks at Kieran, and he pounds his fist on the hood excitedly. 'What is it?' Based on that reaction alone, Kieran knows his brother's mind is probably concocting another scheme to turn the world upside down."

—"Eager, Kieran leans in. Despite Luke's ideas always ending up as messes he has to clean up, the prospect of doing something epic still holds an irresistible allure."

—"But Kieran quickly suppresses his bubbling excitement. He tries to be sensible. 'Wouldn't it be easier for Sylus to kill us than for us to kill him?'

—"Kieran hadn't particularly paid attention to Sylus's demeanor. Knowing Luke would keep an eye on it, he noticed something else. From the moment Sylus entered the room, it was as if an invisible barrier had formed around him. No one dared to cross this unseen line to stand near him. It remained that way until the very end. He had entered alone, and he left alone. Kieran can't help but muse out loud. 'Is there someone who can get close to Sylus?'"

—"He's about to bolt out the door when Kieran, as if he's done this a million times, grabs his collar and pulls him back. He presses the finished darts into Luke's hand before releasing him. 'Now we can go. l've been tailing Sherman for a while. Onychinus isabout to attend an important business meeting. Sylus might be there. We should check it out.'"

—"The person before him musters all his strength to aim the knife at his heart. He tries to push it in... But he hesitates and freezes as he notices his brother, who's bound to him, curl up into a ball because of their shared agony."

and like, it has seemed a little bit more like kieran has been acting like the older one... but i think this really brings to light that although he's the more "sensible" one in a sense, he really does need someone to balance him out?

and in contrast to that, luke, despite being more excitable.... genuinely has such a caretaker personality 😭 he's so caring towards his brother i wanted to CRY????????? and he's also the more positive one out of both of them 😭 like he feels like the younger one sometimes, but i think it makes perfect sense why he's older... he looks out for kieran sm :(

—"'Whatever. It doesn't matter. We finally made it out, and if we only have three months left ... Since we're on borrowed time anyway, why don't we go out with a bang? How about doing something epic in these last three months?' Luke leans against the armored truck. He raises an eyebrow. Then, his eyes widen as he looks at Kieran, and he pounds his fist on the hood excitedly."

—"Excited, Luke hops onto the hood of the truck. 'Let's kill him. Nothing can be more epic than that, right?'"

—"'Did he look... bored to you?' Luke breaks the silence. Kieran hadn't particularly paid attention to Sylus's demeanor. Knowing Luke would keep an eye on it, he noticed something else."

—"He's about to bolt out the door when Kieran, as if he's done this a million times, grabs his collar and pulls him back."

—"'Let me help you... I'll help you.' The weight behind the word help is unmistakable. Its true meaning is unspoken but clearly understood."

—"'I'lI die with him.' That's his response to Sylus. He takes a few deep breaths before flashing a sly grin. "I don't care anyway."

and the very end 😭😭😭

i feel like this truly spoke volumes of luke's character 😭 it's so touching? the fact that he really asked someone to make masks for them so they'd look like twins again? 😭😭😭 my heart 😭😭😭😭😭

::: extra

this is important,

PONYTAIL !!!!!!!!!!

AND THEY HAVE LONG HAIR.... (had? have.......... did they ever get a haircut after, i wonder....)

ALSO the fact that kieran is really good at making darts. . . . ALSO the fact that we know kieran is covered in scars...

(casually consuming any drops of appearance notes)

THAT IS ALL, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

in conclusion. i love them to death 😭

[mythalism]

Do you find yourself in almost a state of mourning/grief with datv? I’m literally in an almost emotional distress over it. All summer I built up insane defensiveness due to all the grifter hate train bullshit brewing for it with a dose of insane excitement since I’ve been a DA girlie since Origins 2009 release date and I just… don’t know how to process my feelings?!?

Due to the pre game discourse I almost feel programmed to fight criticism for it and during a new play through I keep having “holy shit that quest was so dialed in” followed immediately by “what the hell did I just listen to” and yet my brain is still in copium mode.

DA fandom discourse has always been poisoned with garbage takes, ESPECIALLY since Solas got introduced with DAI (I’m sorry, I truly believe his die hard haters have the reading comprehension of a peanut) but the fact that there is still a huge pocket of the fandom that couldn’t even get the point of the solas/mythal dynamic when it was LITERALLY SPOONFED TO US kind of… scares me about the future of narrative design in general.

Absolutely development hell and reboot and lack of time to truly sink into the intended story beats from start to finish played a major role. The skeleton remains of bullshit multiplayer factions are here too. But holy shit. Is it just me or does everything else utterly scream “chronically online” to me.

Sorry I have no idea where I’m going with this. I just needed to yap thoughts that weren’t just in the void. I don’t know how to reconcile getting my dream romance ending I waited 10 years for alongside a narrative that doesn’t even make sense leading to that happy ending.

i wouldn't say im experiencing full on grief but i do know exactly what you mean and i sympathize with your experience a lot. i think it might be because ive been in a corner of fandom that has been very critical of bioware and so i honestly had extremely low expectations of veilguard up until the summer. i thought we would NEVER get the game, and if we did get it, i was sure it would be a fucking trainwreck after 10 years of "[insert x developer here] leaves bioware after 20+ years!". my personal bar was truly on the floor, in the deep roads, in the heart of a titan, in the void etc etc.

it does bother me the way it was marketed because honestly i would call it duplicitous. not in the "false advertising" legal sense of the world but in the way it feels like the devs are (and were) very aware of the flaws in this game and more importantly were very aware of how it would be received by long-time fans. and of course i am aware that developers have little to no say whatsoever in marketing, and its also clear that vg's marketing was an absolute mess of conflicting directions considering that reveal trailer that honestly set the game up to fail (i truly believe the grifting and general, casual reception would not have been so negative if they had used the release-date trailer instead) and the way they immediately had to drop 20 minutes of gameplay to reassure people that they werent releasing dragon age: fortnite LMFAO. but i think that mismatch actually tells us a lot about the similarly contradictory tone and writing in different parts of the game, and the direction that EA seemingly pushed for (as exemplified by their attempts to market it as... whatever that was) and the game bioware was attempting to make (which would have undoubtedly been flawed but probably more in-line with past games).

but, this duplicitous marketing was not just EA, and i do feel that the devs played up the game, and specifically our attachment to past characters and franchise entries, in a way that was a bit unfair when you have the context of their comments post-release about how aware they are of it's shortcomings. and i get it, these people have quite literally no choice. they have to participate in the marketing of this game, it's their job, they need to pay rent and eat etc etc like i get it. but just because they have good reason to play on their fan's attachment to their writing via their tweets and comments in dev q&a's doesn't mean i cant say it left a bad taste in my mouth. i think trick being completely absent from the entire marketing cycle is really interesting in this context, lol. i have no proof of there being a correlation, it was just something i found interesting this summer, and that i find even more interesting now, especially considering their role as lead writer.

it definitely felt like the things they chose to show and the things they chose not to were designed specifically to grip fans and rile us up, and though it worked for their pre-sales, i think it actually hurt them in the end because if they had not gotten expectations up so high by dangling varric and solas and morrigan and the inquisitor in front of us like carrots, we probably would not all have been so disappointed! i sure wouldnt be. remember i thought this game was going to fucking blow not even 8 months ago! for me it was precisely the summer build up that left me so bereft in the end. if i had played the game completely blind id still think it was a flop, but i wouldn't feel absolutely bamboozled and pissed off in the way i and a lot of others seem to feel.

legend @scaryanneee said once that the entire game feels apologetic, in both its writing and design and that has stuck with me ever since she said it. the whole game feels like a big "sorry it wasnt better", and even more so due to the release of the artbook filled with ideas that they knew we'd like better, and even MORE so with the game's lack of denuvo or other anti-piracy software, allowing us to data-mine and see the skeleton left behind at some point. idk a lot about game development but i am under the impression that post-release content that feels like a desperate apology to fans + tweets about how you fought and lost that then get deleted are not the norm????

its truly a mess. but i do not feel hopeless, for some reason. gaming is a mess and i think you are right to fear for the future of narrative design but although there are always people who will bootlick to cope, there are also beloved haters like us who will always complain, and not out of transphobia or a desire to grift, but out of a genuine love for these games and the stories they tell. i wish the reviews had been a bit more discerning and critical, but i hope the message will get through to bioware and EA eventually. i also think that tbh, if this game came out 3 years after bg3 rather than 1, it would look VERY different. i would not even really consider myself a bg3 fan and i have a lot of criticisms of it (lol who's surprised!!!) it is objectively a move in the right direction for the gaming industry for a variety of reasons, and i do believe its many accolades have sent a message to greedy execs everywhere.

[joltiion14]

II episode 18 spoilers, BUT HERE'S A HUUUUUGE RAMBLE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

PAYJAY IS CANON PAYJAY IS CANON I'M FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT YAOI WHEN CAN I HAVE WHAT THEY HAVE

ahem anyways

episode 18 had me and my sister at the edge of our seats HOLY SHIT I LOVED THIS EPISODE... KNIFE X MEPHONE4S GUYS GUYS WHO'S WITH ME... ALSO KNIFE'S SACRIFICE TO SAVE MARSHMALLOW CAME FROM SOME FUCKING PEAK CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. THEY COULD NOT HAVE KILLED KNIFE OFF IN A BETTER WAY THAN THAT. SPEAKING OF SACRIFICES, my boy mepad... MY BOY MEPAD AHAHGSHSHAGHH rest in peace I LOVE YOU MEPAD....

I wanna quickly point out how emotional I got when cobs started threatening and beating mephone4, as a victim of child abuse this hit haaard. they did great writing the dynamic with those two, it felt realistic even in a fictional world. I FELT SO BAD FOR MEPHONE THAT ENTIRE TIME I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM FUCK YOU COBS.

also I may or may not be a box kinnie now. I GOT SPOILED THANKS TO A THUMBNAIL I SAW OF A LEAKED II18 VIDEO, SO I KNEW BOX WAS GONNA BE IMPORTANT, but holy shit I did not expect them to be one of the most relatable characters the SECOND they came on screen and started explaining their story.

I might get blocked by multiple people for saying this, but since the last 2 episodes, I've been shipping tacophone. HEAR ME OUT. microphone and taco talked things out some, mic forgave taco and understood her and gave her a chance to improve, and so she did, thanks to microphone willingly giving her a chance even after everything. sure, a relationship between the two would be toxic in the previous episodes, and I fully agree. But toxic or unhealthy relationships CAN be fixed if both partners are willing to try and repair their relationship. AND PLUS, THOSE TWO ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER I JUST AAAGHHHH.... I can't get over the fact that soap pulled the "if you hurt her, I will hurt you" kinda thing on taco, once microphone introduced soap to her. I developed a headcanon that mic and soap are like sisters about a year ago and I guess that goes to show some more now

anyways, I CANNOT leave out the fact that SUITCASE FUCKING WON. I FULLY EXPECTED NEITHER OF THEM TO WIN, BUT OH MY GOD DID SHE DESERVE IT. Her and knife both deserved it actually. It's hard to truly decide LMAO

anyways, mephone4 in that episode... I love him your honor he's my new son FUCK YOU COBS. anyways, just like mic and taco, he tried to fix his mistakes with everybody. he apologized to... EVERYONE. Even toilet , who genuinely was someone mephone4 didn't deserve as an assistant considering how much of an ass he was towards him in the earlier season. Even then, toilet stayed with him to the bitter end, and stayed loyal to mephone. And in the end, he got to see mephone4 turn into a better person. Even bad people with the worst backgrounds or childhoods can become better, and that's what Mephone4 did. he apologized, then made the decision to stay away from everybody and give them space after what he did to all of them, and I think that was amazing on his part. He didn't tell them what to do next, and let them all know that they were free, they always were. AND THEN WE GOT THE MASHUP BETWEEN ALL OF THE SONGS IN THE SHOW YEAAAAAAAAA

overall, id rate this episode AND THE ENTIRE SEASON AS A 49/40 (reference heh). Inanimate insanity has been my favorite show for many, many years and I'm so glad it got an ending as good as this one. I will forever be grateful for the show Adam, Brian, Justin and all the rest of the cast managed to create for us. Thank you. PLUS ALL OF MY DREAMS CAME TRUE

except for the fact that lightbulb and paintbrush didn't kiss when can we have that

[dear-ao3]

vegas part 2: still december 1st. still at it. yes i know its late. i do not care. lets fucking go

and so. what we’ve all been waiting for. the race. self described as james hinchcliffe as having “cold temperatures, [a] dirty race track, low downforce configurations and walls everywhere.” 

franco was cleared to race. though there was some controversy over it because there was an article that came out with a quote from franco about the crash where he claimed to have a concussion. however, i would like to point out that the article in question is translated from spanish and things Could have gotten Lost in Translation (also to my knowledge it wasn't a very reliable news source).  

in any case. people were annoyed about the fact that franco Could have been racing with a concussion and yeah williams has been a little bonkers this year but driver safety is something that Should be taken seriously. 

this wouldnt be the first time that a driver raced with a concussion either. in 2021 after silverstone max had a 50g crash with lewis and admitted much after the fact to having vision problems at the next race because of it. though that was not caught because he didn't tell anyone about it. so. to my understanding. the concussion protocols that are in place only really can do anything if the driver tells someone about it. 

regardless he was there to race. as was george, who showed up in a pinstripe three piece suit

and so they lined up

russell

sainz

gasly

leclerc

verstappen

norris

tsunoda 

piastri

hulkenberg

hamilton 

ocon 

magnussen 

zhou

lawson

perez

alonso

albon

stroll

bottas

and colapinto started from the pitlane

“its very simple for max,” crofty reminded us as the lights started to go out. he just needs to finish above lando and in the points and basically “hes world champion again”

and charles (cause remember, he is max’s pawn according to lando) must have known this because on lap fucking one he managed to fully launch himself from fourth to second, somehow getting past both pierre and carlos.

meanwhile, liam lawson continued his tirade against old men by fighting now kevin magnussen. and nearly hit the wall doing so. “great man putting moves on him,” one of the announcers said. “we know how feisty he can be”

kevin though was not pleased with the move. “lawson was moving in a straight line when i was slipstreaming!” he said

and so you know. there were something insane like over 90 overtakes at last years vegas race. this year was expected to be about the same. 

so after lap 1, heres what we were working with:

russell

leclerc

sainz

gasly

verstappen

norris

tsunoda

piastri

hulkenberg

hamilton

ocon

zhou

lawson

alonso

magnussen

perez

albon

stroll

bottas

colapinto

george took the fastest lap on lap 3. which was good cause charles was only .4 behind him. and then charles took the fastest lap from george.

this was because while the mercedes was faster in the corners, the ferraris were faster on the straights. the mclarens were fast no where. and max was pootling along with his diy wing, managing to pass pierre for 4th on lap 4.

meanwhile oscar got noted for a false start.

george and charles had been battling ferociously for first but charles had to pull back to save his tires. so george was now 1.8 seconds in the lead, and he might have a plastic bag stuck on his car. 

charles pulled back so much that he got passed by his own teammate and was now down in third. he was not happy about that. he was actually told that carlos was going to try not to pass him, that was not the plan. but before he did (and i really think this radio was here? im not sure it might have been later) he told his team to “maybe try in spanish” telling carlos not to pass him.

then he got passed by max, which he really was not happy about. 

this was what he got for damaging his tires. unfortunately it was too early to bring him in, so he had to stay out and suffer.

lewis meanwhile had figured out that his car was Not Shit for once and slammed his foot on the accelerator. he managed to get all the way up past oscar. 

lando, still chasing his title dreams, passed pierre and was now fifth, though he was now back behind charles (max’s pawn) (max’s extremely angry pawn)

or at least he was until charles was called to pit on lap 10, as was lando

lewis passed yuki, he was now up to 7th

“as it stands, max verstappen will be champion at the end of the grand prix,” crofty told everyone, as max was currently sitting in third.

and it really wasn't looking good for mclaren as oscar got a 5 second penalty for a false start. 

and with all the pit stoppage that was happening around him, lewis had managed to work his way up to fourth.

and then max and carlos both pitted and he ended up in second, right behind george on lap 12

max came out of the pits in 12th, but crucially he was in front of both ferraris and lando

lando saw this and stepped on the accelerator, putting in a fastest lap. 

and george pitted, leaving lewis out in the lead. (george had been 15 seconds clear of lewis, so when he came back out he was in second)

“we’re in for a while heap of overtakes tonight,” crofty said excitedly as the race really started to take shape.

it was at this point that the shenanigans began ensuing. esteban was called in to pit, but absolutely no one was ready for him so he had to go back out and do a whole nother lap before coming back into the pits Again, which was bad news for his track position and also bad news for alpine cause that was a massive screw up.

and lance’s tires were also not ready when he came into the pits. at first this looked like an aston fuck up, but then after the race it was revealed that he had absolutely no radio for the entire race, so he was just kind of raw dogging it. as in, he had no one telling him at all when to come in to pit, so he made the calls himself. hence why he had no tires ready at all. so his pit was delayed.

and yuki drove over the speed limit sign at the end of the pit lane. 

lewis was called to pit on lap 14, and he came out 9th, behind lando. lewis was not happy about this. “what the hell man?” he said over the radio. “how many places have i just lost?” 

“we wouldve lost another five places if we hand hung it out any longer,” his engineer, bono, said. 

fortunately though, lewis was in a fast car. and he had fought to the front from 10th already once this race, he could certainly do it again. 

lap 15 saw pierre gasly screaming over his radio for more power

“low on power,” he said, normally.

“everything is looking okay to us,” came the pit wall response, entirely unbothered. 

“WAIT I HAVE NO POWER!” pierre screamed.

and then his car started smoking. 

fortunately he was close enough to the pits where he was able to pull in without triggering a safety car, but he was pissed. 

“oh man,” he said forlornly over the radio as he pulled in.

and then the cameras panned to a giant hole in the side of his car.

which he later posted on his instagram story

“you gotta feel for gasly,” the announcers said. “qualified third and didn't finish the race.” 

meanwhile, checo, who had somehow ended up second when no one was looking, let max though and now he was in second. then carlos passed checo.

and on lap 17 lewis passed lando, also taking the fastest lap.

and then charles passed checo, lewis passed checo, and lando passed checo, who was now way down in 7th. 

“the mercedes is flying,” martin brundle said. 

by lap 19 we had 

russell

verstappen

sainz

leclerc

hamilton

norris

tsunoda

piastri

albon

alonso

hulkenberg

zhou

lawson

perez

ocon

stroll

colapinto

magnussen 

and bottas

and no, your eyes do not decieve you! that is the williams of alex albon up into 9th! and the sauber of zhou guanyu in 12th! it was looking good for them!

and then ferrari began their return to their roots.

what roots are those? you might be asking. 

well lets take a look

“let me know asap if its going to go to plan c cause that changes everything,” carlos said over the radio on lap 19

“let me get back to you,” came the response from the pit wall. which was a classic ferrari “we are checking” moment (as crofty happily pointed out)

“norris is 4 placed behind max,” martin said. “he needs to be in front to keep the championship alive.” 

“that mclaren doesnt have the pace,” crofty said. and he was right. there was also some speculation that that could have something to do with the fact that they couldn't use their revoked rear wing with the special mini drs flap on it that had been declared illegal a few rounds ago. 

they called to the mclaren pit wall to ask zak brown his thoughts. and he said that they don't really have the pace at all. 

“you must be cheering for mercedes to take the big points away from ferrari,” martin said, because remember, ferrari are trying to take the constructors championship title from mclaren 

zak agreed that they were cheering for mercedes, and even went as far as to say “go lewis go!” 

but back to the race. 

carlos was told that ferrari were targeting plan a on lap 22 (which was speculated to be a one stop), george was 10 seconds ahead of max and mclaren was still suffering.

“the front right looks like its about to go any lap” lando said. and oscar could not get close to yuki to pass him.

“man these guys are fast on the straight,” lewis said about ferrari. martin pointed out that he was only three races away from being one of “those guys” and wondered if he was cheering for that in his cockpit. because remember he had expressed interest to quit mercedes early after the shit show that had been the brazilian gp. 

and, kind of insanely. toto had insinuated recently that he would have gotten rid of lewis even if lewis had not gone to ferrari because he had a “shelf life” that was coming to an end. but that comment seemed to have only motivated lewis more. 

he was certainly doing better than alex albon, who apparently had an overheating problem now. “can we just have one race without problems?” he said angrily over the radio.

“ted!” crofty said excitedly over the radio. “its almost time for your favorite part of a modern f1 grand prix! when sergio perez gets close to liam lawson!” 

and it indeed was. checo was in 12 and liam was in 13.

also in an exciting position was zhou guanyu, who was in 11th and only one spot behind alex albon. stake could get a point! their first point! and it was looking like an even better position to be in because alex albon’s engineer came over the radio on lap 26 to tell him:

“alex, weve got a terminal problem here, we need to retire the car.” 

and so the bad luck continued for williams. 

oscar pitted on lap 26.

carlos also wanted to pit on lap 26. “lets get off these tires,” he said over the radio, once again trying to be his own race engineer. 

but he did not pit. max pitted. 

“box me guys, box me,” carlos said again on lap 27. 

“carlos is trying to continue [his method of making his] his ferrari tacticians to do what he wants but they’re not” crofty said.

meanwhile max’s pit stop was called off, perhaps it was to trick another team into pitting. 

and still, carlos was not boxed. he was instead told to swap positions with charles, who had come up behind him. which was interesting because lewis was quite literally half a second behind charles. but they still swapped. and managed to keep lewis behind. 

carlos started to come into the pit lane. but then he backed out. not before he had already crossed the white line though, which usually means an instant penalty. 

lewis pitted. and max pitted. max also complained about carlos crossing the white line on the pit entry. 

crofty reported that there had been a very late call to “stay out stay out” from ferrari, in true ferrari fashion. 

“what happened?” carlos asked over the radio. 

“we were not ready,” said his engineer. 

“wake up you guys! c’mon!” carlos yelled back. he pitted on the next lap

“so where does this all shake out?” martin asked. 

well. we had one mercedes that was doing very, very well (george) and another that was putting pressure on max (lewis) 

george had apparently “even admitted he had an afternoon siesta” and he was leading by 15 seconds. 

and on lap 30 we had 

russell

leclerc

norris

verstappen

hamilton

sainz

hulkenberg

tsunoda

perez

zhou

ocon

lawson

piastri

alonso

magnussen 

bottas

colapinto

stroll

and, if you were wondering, lando was only ahead of max cause max had pitted.

esteban and liam apparently boinked eachother on lap 31, with esteban coming on the radio to say that he got hit.

and lando pitted as lewis took another fastest lap.

“lewis hoans in on the back of max, his arch rival,” martin said pretty dramatically. “anyone still angry about that? 2021?” im sure that across the world many people said yes (2021 of course was the year that max won the championship on the last few laps after a bs safety car call and effectively robbed lewis of his 8th world title).

matin said that he asks that question to fans all the time and fans always say theyre still mad about it. 

lewis then slammed the accelerator again and passed max on lap 32 for third, then got up to second as charles went into pit. 

you might be wondering why carlos hadnt gotten a penalty yet for crossing the white line on the pit lane. well out trusty commentators were wondering too. “ill be very surprised if we don't hear anything,” martin said. 

george pitted. it was a free pit stop because he had been 33 seconds ahead of lewis, so he still came out in first. 

“theyve got this race in the bag as it stands,” crofty said about mercedes. “but its a street track and theres several bags flying around. danger around every corner.” 

zhou meanwhile was barely holding onto 10th (and a point!) in front of esteban ocon

by lap 34 we had george still leading, followed by

hamilton

verstappen

sainz

leclerc

norris

hulkenberg

piastri

zhou

ocon

lawson

tsunoda

alonso

magnussen

perez

colapinto

bottas

stroll

“what a driver from lewis hamilton,” martin said. and it was. hed come up from 10th now twice.

“are we going to get a finish like spa?” crofty asked. then quickly amended that to be “as in lewis hunting down george” at the end, not george getting disqualified for being too light. 

there were 15 laps to go. lewis put in another fastest lap. and his gap to george was 9.1 seconds. 

and if rb could hold onto their current track position, they would be ahead of haas in the constructors championship, which was roughly 10 million dollars

lewis took fastest lap on lap 37. but then charles, who was also on a rampage, took it from him.

“give it 10 laps and he’ll be right on the gearbox of russell,” martin said. 

and there was still nothing in terms of penalties for carlos. 

“i don't know how ferrari have managed to argue this,” the announcers said. and karun even came on from race control to read the rulebook out loud, the exact section that said under which circumstances penalties should be given for crossing the white line of the pit box extry. 

and then checo pulled a move of all moves. crofty even branded it as “vintage sergio perez” as he managed to go right smack between liam lason and kevin magnussen, into a corner, and not a single one of them ended up in the wall as he did his double overtake on lap 39

lewis took the fastest lap again. and again it was taken by charles.

max was under pressure from carlos (who was 1.2 behind) and had no grip.

“you want me to try and keep them behind or what?” max asked his engineer, gp. cause remember, all max has to do is finish in front of lando and he wins the championship, something that he was currently doing. and even if both ferraris passed him, he would still be in front of lando.

“i think you should, yeah,” gp said passively and very confidently for someone who has, if you remember, a diy’d rear wing.

meanwhile checo passed ocon for 11th and lewis was now 7 seconds behind george. 

carlos passed max on lap 42. he was now in third.

martin wondered if carlos was going to try and keep max in his drs, like he did with lando in singapore 2023, to try and protect himself from charles, who was definitely faster than him. 

crofty said that carlos’s bosses wouldnt be pleased about that, especially since ferrari are actively trying to win the constructors championship, but his bosses were only his bosses for a few more races. 

charles was still trying to pass max on lap 45. he was still failing. 

then a little graphic popped up. if carlos had pitted earlier, when he had wanted to, simulation said that he could have finished second. martin found this very hard to believe. i guess we will never know for sure.

finally charles managed to pass max on lap 47. he was 1.5 seconds behind carlos.

and max was right in front of lando.

lando though was a ways back and boxed for softs to get a fastest lap. 

george was still leading. if he continued to lead and won, we would have 7 different multi race winners. which has never happened before. 

and if max stayed where he was he would win th championship. in vegas. like nelson piquet and keke rosberg in the 80s, who both also won their championship sby finishing in 5th.

and george won. 

and max came in fifth. 

so you know what that means. 

“FOUR TIME CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, MAX VERSTAPPEN!!!!”

“his driving and his ability has manhandled him to the win,” crofty said about max. cause remember, max didn't have the fastest car this year, it was not a dominating season like the last two gave been for him, he won with a diy rear wing for fucks sake!

THREE TIME RACE WINNER GEORGE RUSSELL

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george won, lewis came second. followed by carlos, charles, max, lando, oscar, nico, yuki, checo, fernando, kevin, guanyu, franco, lance, liam, esteban and valtteri.

george t posed on top of his car, then was so excited he jumped directly on top of the marshal holding the scale. 

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and then, because vegas is Quirky and Cool and Different, the drivers don't do the podium and the interviews right where they pull up at the end of the race. no they do on a different part of the track, by the fountains. 

so. how do they get there?

why, in a rolls royce of course!

and so lewis, george and carlos all hopped in one, and max and gp hopped in the other. 

gp was very, very proud of max

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max was more interested in exploring the rolls that they were in. 

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over in the other rolls, george had somehow wound up in the middle seat despite being 6’3, lewis was fixing his appearance in the mirror, and carlos was wearing a beanie

but they finally made it around, to the fountain where they were met with jenson button, who was absolutely slutting it up in a brown velvet blazer with a black turtleneck

and oh? what is this? “oh! jenson’s found a friend!” crofty said. 

and he had! jenson was joined by terry crews 

and unfortunately this is the part of my notes that i took entirely in the dark. so bear with me here. 

first, i was incredibly confused why terry was there, and then it became very obvious that he was just a massive fangirl trying to hold himself together, which was incredibly funny to watch.

still

george was incredibly happy with his race. “i cant even describe this [feeling?], dominant weekend.” and later he said he was waiting for something bad to happen, like a tree hitting the track, but it never happened. also later jenson called george’s race “perfect” he said he was cancelling his flight and going out drinking. which he did do. though he didn't have any other clothes with him so he had to go out in the pin stripe three piece suit that he showed up to the paddock

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 lewis was next and he started by congratulating max (which he had also done in the pit lane with the red bull crew) and then said that he “had fun coming from the back…best the car has ever felt!” and then speculated that maybe that was because it was cold. he definitely proved toto’s shelf life comments wrong (and damon hill agreed ) and even apparently out performed mercedes simulations of the race.  

(jenson later on comically slid over to try to talk to lewis like a dude in a romance movie. he and lewis were called "slagclaren" when they were both mclaren teammates there and theyre never beating the allegations) 

and carlos said that he had been “hoping vegas had something to offer me after last year.” with the man hole. he said he had actually been looking for every manhole cover while he was racing so he could avoid them  

and max. who they interviewed as a special treat because he had just become a 4x world champion. “its been a long season, but as a team we kept it together. to stand here as a four time world champion us something i never thought possible….this season taught me a lot of lessons that i am very proud of.” 

with this championship win, max becomes the second person to win his first four titles consecutively (the first was sebastian vettel, who also did it with red bull), though max did break sebs record of fewest days between first and fourth win by one day exactly, and only the sixth driver to ever win four or more world titles, joining the ranks of sebastian vettel, alain prost, juan manuel fangio, michael schumacher, lewis hamilton (the last two also both also won 4 consecutively, but not their first) 

and then he said that his fans got a bit spoiled last year with all the wins, and had to wait awhile this year. 

the podium was fun and filled with champagne and george doing his comical little hop hop and lewis and george holding the trophy like it was their newborn child for some reason.

and then soaking eachother in champagne

toto wolff even had good things to say about george and lewis, saying that george’s driving was from “another planet” and praised lewis for being able to get to p2 from p10.

lewis also gave some advice to younger drivers during the press conference that was very heart felt. the question posed to him was: Does your advice to young drivers about not being weighed down by the adverse criticism probably come from your feeling that you have been adversely criticized this year?

“It's not about this year. We're talking about youngsters, we're talking about eighteen year olds. And I remember when I was twenty two and you're thrown in the deep-end, you've been given training as a young driver through the younger series but you're not, most of them, probably don't have a PR person. The team will have a PR person but they're not looking out for you, they're looking out for the team. So, you're thrown in the deep-end and you're trying to be nice and people take advantage of you. So, my guidance, like, if I had a young driver and I was looking after him, I would put a lot of support around him so that people couldn't get to him. You know, the socials and media and stuff would not be able to affect that young individual's mindset. And I think that protecting that is really important 'cause then, you know, I think it's really about firstly them getting the opportunity and not knocking 'em down when they make mistakes. Which one of you or anyone here at eighteen years old-nineteen years old has not made mistakes? And when you do it in the spotlight it's really, really tough. And so we should be lifting these people up and giving them not just one chance, two chances, just continue to support them and just not slating them 'cause that's, it's just not nice.”

he also gave some advice for the rookies next year:

“...that I don't know! Don't do absolutely everything everyone tells you to do. Ask lots of questions. Take your time. Don't let the negativity get to you because people are so negative nowadays, judging you non-stop. So, stay off social media and keep your family and your closest friends close to you 'cause they are the only ones that are your true friends and know they are gonna be there for you when the going gets tough.”

also the vibes of this press conference were kinda funny. lewis had changed and was slaying, george was back in his puff jacket but over his race suit and carlos was still in his beanie

and when asked why george was in his puff jacket again, he said that no, he had not jumped into the fountain, he was just cold from getting soaked in champagne. and last year at vegas he said that he got pneumonia and had pneumonia from november to february and was not keen on getting a repeat of that.

but pretty much everyone had good things to say about max verstappen. including lando, who if you will remember, dragged max through the mud at the beginning of the weekend and was vaguely battling him in the championship for p1. he went up to him in the media pen and congratulated max on his win right away

and max was thankful for this, but he also told lando  : “I told you, many times, there will be a day. You’ll be world champion.”

lando then said “Let’s celebrate in Abu Dhabi.”

and max said “will do”

lando also called him a motherfucker in his congratuations comment on instagram

in his interviews, lando said that he was proud of how he has improved this season and has realized how much more pressure there is when you're driving to battle for the championship. he also said that he was trying to give himself grace for not winning. he also said that he would have changed the whole car this weekend, it was that bad. though he did say that it had pretty much nothing to do with the rear wing that they couldn't use anymore

other drivers also had good things to say about max. 

like franco: "its incredible what he has achieved, all the championships and races he's won. he's an incredible driver, in my opinion currently the best one in f1. he also did it with a car that wasn't the fastest…hopefully at some point we'll be able to beat him!"

and charles: "You know that he's not going to let any hundreths go and that whatever he can do to maximize the car he will do, I think like every other drivers but he's really on it every laps & you cannot really relax. But I like this challenge we've raced each other since a long time and I liked it."

george: "Max has done an amazing job and you know when he didn't have the car, he always got the best results possible & the guys he was fighting didn't. That's what makes him the champion!"

and esteban: “this year he has been the strongest out there and its been nice to watch”

max himself though was definitely enjoying his fourth championship. he said during his interview that he was “very thirsty” and then progressively started to get drunk. while in the paddock still. he started with the beer and said it was beer (after an interviewer asked if he was drinking dutch chocolate milk)

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at one point he was even double fisting gin and tonics

and i cant find my link but! he also made red bull vodkas for i think the sky sports team? which was unhinged of him. 

and also possibly explains several of his highly unhinged (but very welcome) comments. including but not limited to:

max bragging that he would have won the championship in other cars as well: "Would I have become champion in the McLaren? Yes! And much earlier too. In 2021 l would have also won the title in a different car [Mercedes]. In 2022 that would have been more difficult, because Ferrari was perhaps a bit too fragile then. And last year? Well, that would have been a bit more difficult."

max absolutely flaming the hell out of zak brown TO HIS FACE over the fact that zak said that max could only win in the fastest car: “Like you said, you know, before I can only win in the fastest car, this year has been a little bit different?”

and then several interviews and several drinks later he was asked if it was true that he had “run into zak brown and tell him you can become world champion not just in the fastest car?”

“yes! and i ABSOLUTELY told him that!” max said, while drinking gin and tonic “live on sky sports.” 

the red bull team were being pretty much equally as silly

i managed to lose the link somehow but one of the mechanics commented on a post about max being a 4x wdc that he knew they “didn't need that rear wing.”

and also, they did manage to remember to pack the max 4x wdc merch, but not the right rear wing

he also got very sappy about his childhood and what he would tell his younger self: 

"I wouldn't tell small Max anything because small Max was not worried about anything. Small Max was just loving life: driving quadbikes, go-karts, motocross bikes, having fun with his friends, not enjoying school. Honestly? That's the beautiful part of it. You shouldn't tell him anything and just let him live his life. I wish I could see myself with small Max. It was a good time."

he also got absolutely SOAKED with champagne

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and went and did an interview for a spanish news outlet saying that charles was going to be the next world champion.  

oh. speaking of charles. 

he was not having nearly as good a time as max was. or even george was. 

he was actually getting nearly possessed by american psycho.

and in case you cant hear him , this boils down to basically this:

bryan (race engineer) : "pick up please"

charles: "yes whatever you want. as always."

bryan: "you did your job"

charles: "yeah, yeah, I did my job, but being nice fucks me over all the fucking time, all the fucking time. it's not even being nice, it's just being respectful."

fred (team principal): "Charles. CHARLES." charles: "i know I need to shut up, but at one point it's always the same. oh my fucking god"

bryan: "ok but anyway you did the right thing for the team"

bryan: "and pick up please" charles "yeah yeah fucking pick up what the fuck you want"

charles: "the radio is on. sorry"

(and team red line, max’s e racing team, really tried their damndest to get charles his community service date with max for this with one of their members tweeting “community service coming for you after that teamradio”)

but what did happen here? 

well. this is not the first season that charles has done what ferrari tells him to do and then still manages to get screwed over. so this seemed to come from a place of frustration at the team more than anything else. he did have some other radios during the race that were angry, including “FUCKING STUPID” which i think was when carlos crossed the pit lane entry (which ne never did get a penalty for) and saying “NICE. AMAZING.” after being told they would swap cars (so charles would be ahead.)

he said in his post race interview that “But it's just frustrating when it's like this and it's been frustrating for me, but i can understand that nobody understands that.”

he also though said that "I am not happy about Carlos, but I won't go into details. Why? Because we talk about these things before the race, and I'm always the only one who respects those agreements. From now on I will be thinking about myself only. It's a shame that i couldn't get more points on lando."

carlos also had some, albeit not as intense things to say about it. 

first he spoke about the pit stop fuck up, saying that

“I don't want to look for who's at fault. It's not the moment to talk or analyze. We need to look [at what happened.] I was already asking to pit 2 laps earlier because I knew Charles was faster and I wanted to let him by, but I wanted to get out of the way. Hamilton was coming behind him and I knew chaos was coming there. I asked to be pitted because there was a lot of graining and we couldn't do anything there. We didn't pit and I stayed out for 2 laps. Even on the lap where I wanted to pit, we made a mess at the pit entry and things didn't go well, but they didn't go well for me, they didn't go well for Charles. I also lost a lot of race time there. It wasn't a nice situation and it wasn't easy to manage. It went like this and that's why I prefer to analyze later and not speak in front of a mic.”

he did acknowledge that charles probably wasn't happy with him during the press conference, saying that "i guess he [charles] isn't happy but i'm also not happy with the way things were handled at the time,i think no one's happy today the in the team because we all expected a bit more [...]."

but he also repeated that “I agreed not to talk to the media because we always talk here, we always make a mess. I agreed with him not to say anything to the media.” and “It's stuff between me and him. I never open the radio, I never talk to the media because I don't like it. It's not a nice thing to do. It's not necessary.”

and planet f1 released a whole article that effectively backed carlos up.

still, charles was effectively still in time out because this was the statement that got released. usually these are with the drivers and done over video. charles just released a written statement:

“I finished the race where I started it today, so it wasn't that exciting, but if you look at the details it was quite an eventful one. Unfortunately, we degraded the fronts on the first stint on Mediums, then we were able to come back on the Hards which were working better. Big congratulations to Max (Verstappen). He deserves this championship title, he has had an [amazing season and always maximised his results which has paid off for him. It gives us motivation to be even stronger next year and hopefully we can put him under some more pressure then. We will push hard in the last two races to try to finish the season ahead of McLaren”

he also posted an instagram post that tagged max (but did not follow him back cause remember that whole stupid thing?) and in this poto fump there was not a single photo of carlos, but there was one with lewis which was relieving, save the caption: 

“First of all, a huge congrats to @maxverstappen for his 4th title, fully deserved. Now only 2 races to go, got to maximise everything on my side to try and take that P2 in the drivers championship and the constructors title. Let's goooo”

he also posted a picture of lewis and tagged him in it.

but during the interviews in vegas, he was so caught up in the ferrari team drama that he forgot max won the championship. 

"It was a track where we had to be pretty fast, the Mercedes were untouchable, we got the best possible result. Verstappen champion? Oh yes that's right &, I forgot, well done to him, he had an exceptional season, he deserves it."

though maybe that was all the weed that was still in the paddock.

charles wasn't the only one pissed over his radio. for example kevin saying “that's not a good thing. that's not a good thing” when his engineer praised him for doing a one stop. 

and also zhou said “See you fucking later, Colapinto” as he passed him.

someone who was not angry though was one nico rosberg, who did not commentate this weekend but he was there, networking for one of his many side projects, finally not wearing beige, and busting out his only dance move in a club, the elbows

so the drivers championship is squared away. constructors is next. we will see how this one shakes out in qatar. only two more to go. see you then.

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[acupofinkedblood]

Subspace x reader

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ���

• Be so for real here, to be able to tolerate this man alone is already a hassle, let alone fall in love with him. You definitely concern people enough for them to check if you have any traumatic brain damage because out of anyone you had, you chose this little shit to begin with. We all need a bit of craziness in our life, but you took it to a whole new level with your evil boyfriend. But in your defense, his unhinged behavior was intriguing!

• Subspace was definitely not the typical romantic type to begin with, that’s a head start for you. He has spent years under Blackrock’s guidance and became an ambitious achiever, romance is definitely something foreign to him. All he knows is that he enjoys your company. And you should be grateful for it! Because he — the great Subspace — even spares you his upmost attention when he isn’t working

• But in all due seriousness and no offense, this guy is such a loser in the most affectionate way

• You know orange cats? They can be such sweethearts, but they have certain reputation for being crazy little rascal. In this case, if we minus the teeny tiny bit of sweetness out of Subspace, then there you have it - An unhinged insane little fuck

• Don’t be surprised when he brings you such random things back. Of course, he is rich and will not hesitate to spoil you. Yet aside from those lavish designer stuff, you can find some of the most questionable items that he ought to bring back to you. Maybe it’s just simple thing that reminds him of you, like butterfly taxidermy collection…or some piece of funny-looking bone he found when doing some experiments. If you’re fond of cryptic trinkets, he is all yours

• He is such a yapper. He will go on and on with anything possible around him: Telling you his accomplishments with pride, bitching about how bothersome his co-workers or ‘pests’ are, rambling on some experiments he has been running…And when you actually ask him more about what he just told you, his eye definitely brightens up

• You definitely have a Biograft that he modifies carefully to be with you when he isn’t around. A companion to keep you company if you may. Just use it for your personal assistant, surely that is his intention beside destroying anyone who dare to harm you—

• Since his lower set of horns can be troublesome when it grows out, you offer to help him carve it. And that is just one of the few things you lend him a hand

• Remember his missing eye? Sometimes a certain liquid just oozes out of his socket, especially when he is stressed out, so your first instinct is to grab the nearest medical kit to help clean it up. Can’t let it infects his already rotten skin as well. You keep in contact with his doctors to know what to do

• Speaking of his rotten skin, he is aware how ruined he is. Hell, his arm is almost falling apart if it isn’t for the sleeve that aids him. Tell him that it doesn’t matter. He is still your number one and who cares if his skin is rotting? You’re already nasty when you first fell for this mess of a dude yourself, surely you have foreseen this coming. When you kiss him for the first time, he almost bites his tongue and waves his hand around to shoo you out of flusteration, and the iconic ‘How dare you-!?’ as well. But when he gets used to the affection, you will see this shit-eating grin appears on his face with pride. This guy is just so full of himself

• Subspace is pretty touch-starved, to your surprise. He won’t ask for it straightforwardly, of course, as if his pride will allow it. But just pick up his body language and you will know when he wants your physical affection. He has this certain part of his horn that if you massage it slightly, he will freeze and literally just not moving at all. Like how you grab a cat’s neck and all of the sudden it just freeze there

• If you do gossip, then oh boy is he ruthless with his tongue. This guy doesn’t hold back when he is talking shit of someone. Especially now he finally has someone who is more than willing to entertain this hobby of his. Poor whoever unlucky enough to be the victim of you two’s verbal violence

• Want his attention? Call out his full government name — Subspace T. Mine — and watch as he look at you with confusion

• He can bake and it’s pretty much edible. But whether it tastes good or not is debatable since he can’t really taste it anymore. You have volunteered to be the gracious one that he allows to test out his baking skill — or basically you have became a domestic glorified test subject — and see if it is good or bad. He usually bakes when he has nothing to do at the moment, which is usually rare considering his workload

• And listen, he is the Morticia of your Gomez. Ain’t any other way around mate. It’s pretty obvious in the dynamic between you two. You love his psychotic quirkiness, and that just fuels his pride even more. Just a compliment from you is enough to boost his ego to the top. It’s like that meme of ‘Hot witch wife and me who will do anything she wants,’ but in his case, he is your wifey

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Note: I used to main this little shit before I lost my account so he has a special spot in my heart

[baku-usagi]

I'm at a place in my life where I don't particularly ever hate characters if they're well written. An awful character who is complicated is great.

But I did find myself a little irritated by caitlyn in season 2 of arcane and tbh I don't even think it's her fault so much as the writers just..made some weird decisions.

Firstly, I could be wrong, and someone please correct me if I am, I heard that one of the writers said they just "didn't find vi very interesting" and I feel like that caused this really weird shift.

Last season, vi was really central to the story, but also she was a powerhouse. As a young girl she was taking on a pack of grown men. She trained to fight, in prison? She fought. Like she's good at it, she's got years of it under he belt.

But I feel like this season she was so back seated it's insane, and I feel like the writers were really choking on caitlyn dick.

Caitlyn got to have more successful fight scenes with hand to hand combat then vi! Letting caitlyn be the one to go hand to hand with ambessa and actually land some hits when she hadn't had much training, instead of letting vi have her role as the fucking hand to hand combat person was kind of insane to me? And I feel like it was done in an attempt to redeem caitlyn and it just...fell flat for me?

Every fight we saw vi in this season she scarcely got two hits in before getting the shit kicked out of her, or getting pinned down, or incapacitated somehow.

Are we really gonna pretend that someone who trained hand to hand for as many years as vi, who lived in the undercity and then prison for as long as vi is gonna get jumped by caitlyn, and put down on the ground?

And no one try and say "oh it's because it's caitlyn" she didn't know that until she was already laid out. and even if she did she shouldn't have assumed anything Good considering how her and caitlyn had ended at that point!

The first season had such gorgeous writing with so few flaws and this season just.. Idk man it fell a little flat for me because of shit like that. The complete misuse of their hand to hand character, the glazing of caitlyn without ever trying to hold her accountable or redeem her for the shit she did? Blah

[transformersoneiq]

Elita: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Orion Pax: Wow. They sound stupid.

Elita: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Orion Pax: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Elita: I guess you’re right. Hey Orion Pax, I love you.

Orion Pax: See! Just say that!

Elita: Holy fucking shit.

Orion Pax: If that flies over their head then, sorry Elita, but they're too dumb for you.

Elita: Orion Pax.

[dekusleftsock]

Okay so izuku is like the devilish of evils given the context actually. The final boss of childhood homoerotic situationships. Fucking pull out those insane was it casual boards bc APPARENTLY TO YOU OT WAS CASUAL

Because boy you want to sit here and call Katsuki POSSESSIVE pronouns, fight like hell at any given chance of Katsuki being hurt, cradle his DEAD BODY IN YOUR ARMS, LET HIM FUND THE SUIT THAT LETS YOU BECOME A HERO AGAIN. BASICALLY BY HIMSELF.

AND THEN CALL IT CASUAL? FOR A GIRL WHOS SO OBSESSED WITH ANOTHER GIRL THAT SHES STILL HAVING SURVIVORS GUILT DREAMS 8 YEARS LATER? SPECIFICALLY DREAMING ABOUT HIMIKO TELLING HER SHE LOVES HER??? WHAT HAPPENED?

Because you do NOT get to call him yours after that. Holy shit. Katsuki get behind me babygirl you deserve all the love in the world after some good luck babe ass character decides to put your ass aside for someone else. Holy shit.

[mutualcombat]

I am curious about your Tav and Astarion's headcanon. What were Astarion's reaction and thoughts when Tav told him that she is pregnant (for the first time)?

well firstly, i follow that old dnd lore that if vampires consume enough blood they can do the thing, but it's still a bit of an uphill battle, and can often require intervention (medicinal or otherwise). so if we're talking about spawn astarion, i'll always believe it was previously agreed upon by both parties.

i think that they wouldn't even consider it seriously (let's just set aside my very heinous breeding kink for five seconds) until someone plants the inception seed into their heads (jaheira. lets be honest. it's fucking jaheira). then they'd spend a ton of time hemming and hawing about it.

i actually believe that astarion would say yes almost immediately, but when they delve deeper adriannu realizes it's a "telling himself that he's just along for the ride, that he's just doing it because it's going to make her happy and that makes him happy"-thing, and that would drive adriannu absolutely bananas so she morphs into WELL-NOW-IM-NOT-DOING-IT-PINGU-JPG. And then that would drive Astarion absolutely insane, because he realizes he does want to do it as soon as she says no (idiot), but then adriannu is like "now you're just saying you want it because i said no" (moron), and astarion is like NO I WANT IT BECAUSE I WANT IT (holy shit they are so fucking stupid)

anyway after they work through whatever the fuck that is, i think he would be relieved that whatever they were doing finally worked, but also justifiably terrified. i think he would try to put aside the moral conundrum of him becoming a father to focus on adriannu (as having a little dhampir rolling around trying to suck your blood out from the inside has tribulations of its own) until she notices (always does) and hits him with a fly swatter because she wants to take care of him too.

blah blah blah blah they are so dumb